Imagine this: You’re talking to a friend or family member about politics and the conversation turns ugly. (For most of us this isn’t too hard to imagine.) If you don’t want to walk away or have a verbal brawl, try active listening .
Active listening is a communication technique where the listener not only assesses what is being said by another, but responds by providing feedback to the speaker.
Space doesn’t allow getting all technical about the fine points of listening, so to give the topic enough substance to be useful, the focus is avoiding conflict, with a “part 2” in the June issue.
*First- timing. A conversation forced on someone who would rather not have a conversation about a contentious topic is doomed from the start. Choose the time for any discussion with care.
*Next, try to stay humble. No matter how well educated we are on a topic, we may not have all the answers. Respecting another with a different point –of-view doesn’t mean we agree with it.
*Avoid a zero-sum attitude. It’s not a contest, or it shouldn’t be, so avoid an “I win-You lose” attitude.
*Use the conversation as an opportunity to understand another person’s point of view and maybe find common ground. Often, people’s positions arise from their own life experiences. As an example, a person whose employer dropped healthcare insurance when the Affordable Healthcare Act was implemented. Both parents are veterans, so they have healthcare coverage, but their children do not, and for reasons they don’t understand, they face high monthly insurance payments. They may not realize it but they are now facing the same issues many of us have always had to live with, how to pay for medical expenses. For them it is a new and frightening experience, that they feel is unfair. So, if we can take a mental pause, and walk under this person’s sky for a moment, we might open up an opportunity to discuss shared needs, goals and emotions. In other words, find some common ground for a real conversation.
*Avoid “you” statements. Using “you” can sound confrontational. Instead of, “you are wrong”, try, “from my perspective” or “in my experience.